Alex Trebek is starting to lose it, and as a public service, I will be posting all the evidence of his insanity.

hold the cheese & pepperoni

1. Channing Tatum takes vodka, cranberry juice, 400 gallons of blood, & a lime wedge; add this fart fruit juice to make it a Seabreeze

2. Steve Carell is a modern day Hitler romantically linked to this kiddie tractor pull. Lovely my dear yet oh so deadly

3. Hey Mr., it’s a small circular breed of dog that stores bile in a Roman Catholic Church

4. This alcoholic beverage is made from the bloodiest Hanukkah oil, but you had to spit with the wind atop a frozen wonder girl

5. Despite a broken leg, Tobey Maguire nailed this Romanian girl with the over 300 year old reticulated slitherer

6. It’s annoying when you _____ this female author’s _____; but helpful when _____ of the _____machines use _____ to make slime… go ahead, make my day

7. This ugly guy, Will Smith (not the black one) can sometimes track down one of these Irish fairies, in this type of marriage

8. J. Lo is slang for someone who communicates by extrasensory means with other Japanese yeast exports

9. Henry Kissinger is also known as this toothy-grinned fruit; searching for this fabled city of horse tornados

10. Adam Levine’s murder of his pregnant, marsh-dwelling girlfriend helps drains this hot ‘n juicy lizard

11. The Portuguese call it goo—goooooooooal a hairstyle using live hedgehogs to reduce the risk of birth defects of the brain and spinal fungus

12. Bjork’s cluelessness about people with diabetes forced this Islamic jihadist rodent to crush her to death with cheese… & had to apologize

13. This body part that sometimes stings when you yank it off, is named it for its odor… and eat it she does

14. Bill Murray & Matt Damon reproduce asexually by means of this body part, with a longer shaft to stabilize your fish hook

15. Lady GaGa’s hogchoker cuts off the ear of a man named Orange Juice, while her arms reach down to grasp the Thunderball

16. Steven Tyler is said to frequent the children’s dungeon, using an orangutan named Zubeneljenubi to disinfect Communist mattresses

17. Ding dong! Shakespeare’s unicorn gets house visits from a naked baby splayed on the hood of a Ferrari calling for brotherhood between Christians & Hitler

18. Israel’s first openly-gay golden retriever named Batman, can swim 45 MPH like a drunk Czech immigrant

19. Oh, noooo…! Canned pineapple chunks can be found in the middle part of Madonna’s underwear because she carried this deadly disease

20. In Catholicism, Jesus is a receptacle for holding pig’s feet for a muscular, tan, bald guy whose names means liquefied meat

21. Oddly, 3 inches wide & 18 inches long, Wolf Blitzer’s banana dancer sparks bushfires that ravage millions of spooky women

22. Horses wear panties for the hearing impaired to communicate with those who don’t understand musical chicken farmers like 50 Cent or Eminem

23. Yum! Starbucks adds shoe polish, blood & phlegm to make insect-infested cupcakes called “Pig Stomach” because it’s environmentally friendly

24. Tom Hanks recently used cocaine to get the shampoo out of the severed head of this newborn child. Oh my God I’m totally wired

25. Joy to the world! Kangaroos & gorillas of German-Jewish descent, snowmobile across pickled sushi for 36 hours to get to this Champagne & dirt island

26. David Hasselhoff traded his half of this German sausage for a band of pear-shaped, alcoholic women, which is weird, because he’s one himself

27. Bum roll! Mel Gibson gets slightly wet, while working on Gary Busey’s tush. “Ugh!” “Down the rabbit-hole…” “Plop plop”

28. Puff Daddy, Puffy, P. Diddy, Shiddy… whatever. He was born with a lumpy body covered with warts

29. Ben Franklin used a genetically altered, gluten-free virgin to prove that sexism weighs as much as a duck

30. Yay! A body-covering garment having a veiled opening for the uterus is worn by Muslim dykes to play Batman on the big screen. Hope you kids enjoy that

31. In an interview with Oprah, Nicolas Cage claimed to have the heart of a mythical warrior; extracting eagle tears to cure writer’s cramp in monkeys & parrots

32. Oh myyy! Miley Cyrus blew 240,000 marsupials by using a vacuum pump in a trailer park, perhaps contributing to her violent hatred of muskrats & mankind

33. If you accidentally super glued your thighs, try rubbing with leftover meat to make Brazilian sandwiches… Uhg! I’ll take a ham sandwich

34. Hold the cheese & pepperoni! George W. Bush milked the Backstreet Boys at his bar mitzvah. It’s a sexy Hebrew hello

35. Hang on tight, Bill O’Reilly extracts fluids from the cobra. Ugh! Just spit it out! Bum badum bum bumbumbum

36. Jesus has a fragrance line called orgiastic chicken wings, which consists of milk, bleach, lemon juice & garlic

37. If you’re pulled over, one thing the officer will ask for is sex with the son of a German wizard because he’d kind of like to know who owns the sac that reduces bone friction