Oldboy director Park Chan-wook’s lavish “romance” mystery The Handmaiden has earned praise for its devastating twists, and there is indeed a doozy that upends everything about a third of the way through. And then there is another doozy about 2/3 of the way through that pushes that upending even further along the track. Now I’m not about to tell you that those twists are not what this film is really all about, because they’re great, and they lend The Handmaiden its power. But if you focus on them at the expense of everything else, then you are an inexplicable individual, because there is so much else going on that is impossible to ignore: finely woven costumes, extravagant set design, ACTING! Let me leave you with this: the culture of tentacle porn is a big influence.

I give The Handmaiden 8 Uses of Tongue out of 10 Goofy Paintings.