This Is a Movie Review: Brad’s Status

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CREDIT: Jonathan Wenk/Amazon Studios

I give Brad’s Status 3 out of 5 Silver Flyer Cards: http://newscult.com/movie-review-brads-status-intensely-narcissistic/

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This Is a Movie Review: Tulip Fever

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At the end of Tulip Fever, I thought, “Oh, that’s what that was all about.” It ultimately becomes clear that there is an incredible amount of kindness inherent to the main characters. They struggle because they find themselves in situations that are far from ideal and beyond their control, but they ultimately find a way out. That is a fine bit of satisfaction. But for the first 95%, the floral mania is totally confounding and there is little in the way of enjoyability beyond the (not-that-out-of-place) comedic relief from Zach Galifianakis and Christoph Waltz’s nicknames for his penis.

I give Tulip Fever 1 Bulb Just Barely in Bloom.

This Is a Movie Review: Winning

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I give Winning 2.5 out of 5 Trophies: http://newscult.com/movie-review-sports-documentary-winning-profiles-five-transcendent-champions-time/

This Is a Movie Review: Unlocked

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I give Unlocked 1 out of 5 Global Viruses: http://newscult.com/movie-review-unlocked-is-only-for-the-least-discerning-action-buffs/

This Is a Movie Review: Birth of the Dragon

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I give Birth of the Dragon 2 out of 5 Chips on Your Shoulder: http://newscult.com/movie-review-birth-dragon-wrings-drama-legendary-kung-fu-fight/

This Is a Movie Review: Leap!

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I give Leap! 2.25 out of 5 Depressed Elephants: http://newscult.com/movie-review-leap-can-only-inspire-aspiring-ballerinas-if-theyre-unfamiliar-with-the-uncanny-valley/

This Is a Movie Review: Annabelle: Creation

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Annabelle: Creation really takes a while to ramp up the intensity. Like, at least an hour, maybe even an hour-fifteen, into its running time, at which point it finally starts ripping limbs and tearing faces apart enough to (barely) justify its R rating. That is kind of crazy given the relentless standard set by the previous Conjuring/Annabelle films. In the prelude, there are a lot of lingering close-ups and light/dark interplay in which you have plenty of time to uncover the agents of evil lurking in the fuzzy shadows. Ultimately, Creation is most valuable for how it expands the mythology, favoring a harmonically mind-bending approach that calls to mind the latter-day Paranormal Activity sequels.

I give Annabelle: Creation 5 Broken Fingers Around a Cross in Every Frame.

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