Jeopardy! 2016 Power Players Superlatives

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MVP
Louis C.K.

Most Likely to Repeat What He Just Said
Al Franken

Most Inexplicable Winner
Lara Logan

Most Out of Sorts
Anderson Cooper

The Not-Quite-Wolf Blitzer Award (as he had the good sense to hardly ring in)
Michael Steele

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Jeffrey Malone’s 50 Favorite TV Shows of All Time

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You can learn a lot about people from their favorite television programs. TV viewing involves spending a lot of time with fictional characters and more or less forming relationships with them. Who we choose to spend our time with says a lot about our own personalities. With that in mind, here are the current standings for my 50 favorite shows of all time.

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Jeopardy! 2015 Tournament of Champions – Handicapping the Contestants

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The top Jeopardy! contestants from the past year are returning for the Tournament of Champions. Here are my estimations of everyone’s chances.

(1 and 2 are set. 3 and 4 are close to each other. 5-11 are more or less interchangeable. 12-15 are close to 5-11; one could possibly argue them up a few spots.)

1. Matt Jackson – Prone to occasional slow starts and recent pop culture is a weak spot; otherwise one of the best contestants of all time
2. Alex Jacob – Employs the most counterintuitively successful strategy ever
3. Dan Feitel – Strong all-around player given to unnecessarily large wagers in Final – may not matter in a Tournament, where there’s less incentive to do so
4. Greg Seroka – His 7 wins are the second most among this ToC group
5. Brennan Bushee – Mr. Creepy Smile was fairly dominant for a handful of games
6. John Schultz – Great contestant, but his facial hair skills currently outrank his Jeopardy! skills
7. Michael Bilow – Only a 3-game winner, but a bit of a wild card – excellent in his victories, but flamed out spectacularly in his loss
8. Vaughn Winchell – The OG of the Winchell-Yates-Schultz Streak
9. Kristin Sausville – Wife of a former ToC contestant pleasantly won five games
10. Scott Lord – His streak ended when Alex started losing his voice
11. Andrew Haringer – Won his 5th game on the 7000th Jeopardy! program
12. Kerry Greene – Led going into Final in only half of her wins – unlikely that she can maintain that luck in a tournament
13. Catherine Hardee – 4-game winner’s run actually preceded the last ToC
14. Jennifer Giles – Teachers Tournament champ needs to show some improvement if she wants to be on the level of Colby Burnett
15. Elliot Yates – The sweetheart of Season 31 won four games without too much spectacle

Celebrity Jeopardy! 2015 Power Rankings

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The latest round of Celebrity Jeopardy games wrapped up on Friday. Here is a rundown of how the famous people fared. (Detailed results can be found at J! Archive.)

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Could Cut It On Real Jeopardy!
1. John Berman
2. Mo Rocca (I seriously considered putting Mo first, but John did beat him. Still, they were pretty evenly matched, and if they played each other 100 times, I don’t think either of them would win more than 55 matches.)

Acquitted Themselves Nicely
3. Neil Flynn
4. Vince Gilligan (If Neil and Vince can pick up the pace, they could move up to cutting it on regular games.)
5. Bellamy Young
6. Penn Jillette
7. Aaron Rodgers
8. Zachary Quinto

Didn’t Embarrass Themselves
9. Wendi McClendon-Covey
10. Debra Messing
11. Mark Kelly
12. Cynthia Rowley

It Could’ve Been Worse
13. Ginger Zee
14. Josh Gad (I almost put Josh ahead of Ginger because he showed a little more promise, but his wrong answers do need to be taken into account.)

The Wolf Blitzer Award
15. Kevin O’Leary

Mr Wonderful

The Collected Madness of Alex Trebek, Volume 11

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Alex Trebek is starting to lose it, and as a public service, I will be posting all the evidence of his insanity.

47. Skrillex, whose name is Yiddish for “toxic pig skin”, became deaf in his right ear while probing a human embryo with the gas-powered congresswoman

48. Oops! Bruce Willis butt-dialed my mother-in-law saying, “Och, bring over your mother & go outside & dig up some tatties”

49. Currently the top 10 baby names for Jewish girls include Inchworm, Happy Nuts, Flimsy Puss, Caterpillar Smokes, Brown Sugar & Desert Dweller

50. Hugh Jackman is a hairy man with one saclike body cavity that looks like an older dog with thick fur who was put to sleep for making a fool of himself

51. OMG! A self-absorbed carpet soaking yoga instructor squeezed out a humorously small sausage equivalent to 1/60 of a belly button

52. The ex-president of Ukraine, James VanDerBeek, often massages weasels in order to extract this foul-smelling waxy secretion that has bridge engineers all over the world screaming, “Whassup!”

The Collected Madness of Alex Trebek, Volume 10

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Alex Trebek is starting to lose it, and as a public service, I will be posting all the evidence of his insanity.

42. Tony Stark builds an armored suit to help Helen Keller escape from Guantanamo Bay in a snowstorm

43. Bill Clinton said that women make the best stink-hole shower gel because they can scrape off the hardened pork like the old-fashioned stuff you’d spread on with a can opener

44. During the George W. Bush presidency, the Secret Service taught drama to fat little pro-slavery bullfighters in preparation for a war with the single-breasted turkeys

45. British people drink snake venom when suffering from alcoholic rage; in the U.S. we tie up a dogie, hoof it across the dance floor & spit. Wow, that’s so weird — I was just thinking about Michael Jackson’s daughter

46. Oh my gosh! Rosie O’Donell’s dog took a crap in her mouth. It helps boost the immune system

The Collected Madness of Alex Trebek, Volume 9

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Alex Trebek is starting to lose it, and as a public service, I will be posting all the evidence of his insanity.

38. Metallica made a whopper of a deal when it paid over $3 billion to switch genders & become the one-armed female peacock

39. Justin Bieber was struck by Selena Gomez’ Muslim dwarf carpenter but recovered and drooled in her older brother’s bikini. Bon appetit!

40. Forget about Benghazi, the White House says 66% of its customers are boisterous, violent, Russian, redneck f-holes who fight off Jewish vampires by arousing Napoleon’s 12″ man-hammer

41. To show remorse after murdering his wife, Chris Brown has merged with al-Qaida to develop this kids’ game where you wear a blindfold & drive a car with Darth Vader’s divorce papers from New York to San Francisco

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